Sunday, 22 August 2010

My first child.

My Girlfriend and I are having our first child.  She is 16 weeks (I had to double check) and all has gone well so far.  The last few months have gone by pretty quickly for me, which I guess is a good thing as I've not had any sleepless or long nights worrying about different aspects of becoming a father.  In fact  the only night I had any trouble getting to sleep was the night before the  12 week scan.  Even that was due to the excitement.

The conception was planned, No sudden shock of the pill failing to do its one single task or a rubber erasing my freedom through ripping at the most inappropriate time.   Talking of time going fast, it was only after several weeks of deciding to try for a child that we conceived.  Needless to say the conception was probably a little fast also!

We've several close friends who are recently new parents and have shown to me what an amazing life it is to become one.  This is not to say that they haven't shared in their hardships and struggles of parenthood.  The severe lack of sleep during the early weeks along with the true stresses of raising a new born.  But stories of such are of no surprise to me.  The constant stress in the early months / years are not something I'm unprepared for or something I've not perceived and thought about.

Through out the past I've worried about actually becoming a father and its something I'd pretty much turned my back on.  My view was that it was far too much responsibility.  That it is near impossible to raise a child safely in such a cruel and troubled world.  The demands of keeping a child psychologically happy through its early years and into its adulthood  would be beyond any of my capabilities.  I also harboured the belief that parenting was incredibly selfish given that there are so many children already in the world with out parents or homes.  Surely These should be considered and taken care of before new ones are brought onto the earth to share yet more air and food.

Of course these thoughts pale in to insignificance and become redundant when you see at 1st hand the love and joy shared between parents and there newborns.  When you see the simplest look between child and father that resonates that deeper, indescribable connection.  As fathers also, I'm sure we'd never understand that connection that only mothers can have (obviously) with someone they've nurtured for 9 months before going through unimaginable pain to bring it in to this world.  A world that no matter what state it is in, is all the better for having that child in it.  Maybe not better for everyone, but better for us.